Stand up Com, Time with mom, and some Cemetery Cinema

INT. COMEDY CLUB. NIGHT

Bright lights flood a stage in the darkened room of a Comedy Club. A Young Man on stage grips a microphone in one hand and a sheet of paper in the other. We see the man pacing this way and that across the stage reading from his jokes he has scrawled on the scrap of paper. He appears confident, perhaps too confident thanks to the FIVE pints of Stella Artois. He engages in some friendly banter with some of the younger (and less threatening) members of the audience and repeatedly asks the audience "how [they're] feeling tonight". His approach has thus far been unconventional to say the least, firing out a joke (which will almost certainly fall flat) and then cashing in on the laughs by providing a commentary of how the previous joke fell flat. This system, however unplanned, has proven the key to his comedy. As he gains momentum, he fails to realize that he has been on stage far longer that the allotted 7 minutes he was required. Lights begin to flicker in the back of the club, a signal to "wrap it up", unfortunately these lights go unnoticed to the "comedian prodigy" as he launches into yet another endless, albeit charming, story about his frustrations with the workout DVD P90X. The house lights eventually come on as he utters his final thought for the evening.

"So it seems like a guy can't open a yogurt lid in this town without supporting Breast Cancer Awareness....Am i Right?" 

"WRAP IT UP!"

"OH! well thanks everyone, have a good night”

It's true. And the bit about the cancer was supposed to be my big moment.

You see, a couple of weeks ago I was checking on the status of my Judge Ross episode release date (like most of you), well THAT whole can of worms has yet to be opened to the public but I saw a posting for a comedy show calling for ACTORS/COMEDIANS, should've just said DANNY/CURTIS. 
(*crickets*) 
Anyways I checked a box requesting more info on what this was (not a whole lot commanding my attention at the office that day other than nodding at the right places to my 20 year old co-worker describing how hung over she was from a totally crazy weekend yada yada yada). Moments after i checked the box, I received a text message informing me that I had just been signed up for a 7-min slot onstage at a comedy club in North Hollywood...What grave mistake had I just made? I bounced the story off of my roommates and Steph, half jabbing the idea with "what a crazy request, ain't no way I would do that" and half gauging the responses like "dude you should give it a shot". "Psshh no way...you think? I mean it would be pretty funny right, just something to check off the 'ol bucket list." I handled the situation in standard form, procrastinating until the day-of to make a decision. 

So I flopped around onstage for 15 minutes, providing fodder for the next 4 comedians "Whaddya think the flashing lights were kid? a Pink Floyd concert?"

BUT also providing some laughs. I was even asked to return to the comedy club the following week to participate in the “newcomers contest”...

Truly surprised


Initialize week recap dream sequence....
 
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So LAST time I posted about how I had done nothing and life was slowing down in LA. This week Julie Curtis certainly remedied that by providing the busiest 6 days I have had in my time out here.


6 Days with Mom:


Wednesday: Julie arrived, hung out in Westwood and grabbed some coffee, Comedy Club that night.
She made a last minute flight change to arrive a day early to attend my performance, and ultimately convinced me into going through with it. 


Thursday: Breakfast at the Grove, made an appearance on EXTRA , Drove out to Santa Monica Pier, Ate at Bubba Gump's Shrimp, saw Bridesmades at the Movie Theater.
We were at "The Grove" outdoor shopping center where they film EXTRA with Latin charmster Mario Lopez. They needed background people to "act interested" in the crowd. We were fish in a barrel by that point. 
In an effort to show my mom LA, Steph and I  panicked and surrendered to the ultimate touristy Santa Monica Pier, and completely lost all credibility when we dined at Bubba Gump's Shrimp Restaurant. 

Easy to "act interested" with this crew...

Hangin at the beach

The Ladies on the Pier 

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."

At the Theater

Friday: Julie takes a walk to Westwood, nearly gets run over, Lunch at Emilio's in the Valley, Costco run with cousin Cheryl, Dinner with Steph's landlord Melanie.
Julie narrowly escapes death this morning while taking a seemingly harmless morning walk. She was pressed into a row of hedges and fled for her safety after traffic was stopped to let her pass. 

Whipping up some Party-Mash

Steph and Sophia

Steph's Wonderful Landlord Melanie Adler, daughter of the Oscar winning Producer Buddy Adler (From Here to Eternity, South Pacific) and Actress Anita Louise

Cousin Jerry and "Tatti" drop in for dinner, keeping it classy

Saturday: Pet Adoption day at the La Brea Tarpits, Grocery shopping, BBQ at Cheryl's
The La Brea Tarpits were hosting a huge pet adoption with over 700 animals, Steph fled to the Cat Tent, I was into the hounds myself.

Adopt him

BBQ in Hollywood

Juj and Cheryl

Life of the party

Sunday: Church, Brunch at Fiddler's Bistro, Drove out to Topanga for a night of Ping Pong and Banana-grams at cousin Jeanne's house. 

Things got heated when Dance Central was turned on the XBOX Kinect. Watching one's own mother "drop it like it's hot" was memorable. 

Church...in a theater

Picture from Jeanne's back deck in Topanga

Monday: Hiking in Malibu, Lunch at Paradise Cove, Dinner at Pink's Hot Dog, Drop off Julie at Airport.
In an attempt to wrap up the LA experience, we managed to pack in a hike (complete with waterfall), lunch on the beach, and one of LA's stapled foods. The drop off at the airport came earlier than anyone expected. Bummer. 

Thanks for a great week mom!

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And then she was gone (POOF!) and I found myself back in front of the KYOCERA printer at Paramount dealing with another paper jam while trying to send our accountant Nham copies of expense reports from 2008. They're a bit backed up on their paperwork it seems, and I was just the guy to bring them back up to speed. 
"Boy do YOU have a fun day ahead of you"
(I had no idea)
When a "run" to STAPLES presented itself, I jumped at the opportunity and raced outside to my car. Ahh but foolish Danny for expressing elation because as I approached my car I soon realized that my front tire was flat...Of course. 
Good thing there is a garage on most corners in LA.
Of course with MY car, when it rains...it pours
The mechanic accepted my vehicle as a sort of mobile death trap, informing me that if the tires or failing brakes don't kill me soon, my broken speedometer will. 
In an attempt to lighten the mood, I told him about how I was stopped at a red light the other day, but my speedometer told me I was somewhere between 120 and 140mph, odometer spinning like G.D. Top.

ME
"Not great for the re-sale, heh heh am I right?" 

HIM
"It would be irresponsible and dangerous to sell this vehicle"

 (pause)


ME
"...can you have it ready in an hour?" 
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Memorial Weekend was great this year:
 
Steph and I, sticking with our pledge to "carpe diem the hell out of this city" grabbed some blankets, booze and snacks and headed to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery to watch a showing of Alfred Hitchcock's "VERTIGO". We showed up an hour early to stand in line with hundreds, then thousands of Angelenos. The cemetery itself was the most lavish and over-the-top I have ever seen. Its funny that even in death, the people in this town will do anything for attention, like have 15-foot marble pillars erected over their grave as a sort of billboard, or building above ground tombs that could only cause one to cringe at the thought of what rent must cost, still others decided to flair it up even more by decorating their death plots like outdoor spas or sculpture gardens, with little rock creeks and lanterns and a plaque reminding you that there is a dead guy underneath all of this, may he rest in peace. Many of the graves had pictures of the deceased etched into the headstones like that art that you find at mall-kiosks, where they give you a block of glass and it has a 3D bird made out of bubbles inside, pretty awesome. Aside from the graveyard itself, I think my favorite part was just sitting on a blanket on actual grass, it's hard to come-by in this town.

Snacking while waiting for the gates to open

Some of the "graves"

A bit more modest

Steph took this photo, she's very proud of it

Life at La Brea, Disney Nights, and the price of a Post-it note

I'm looking at my notebook where I have outlined topics of my past week to write about.
This is what I have so far.

Danny's week:

1. stupid job
2. watched 'Aliens'
3. ?
4. watched 'Aliens' again

Well that's about it, see you next time.

Okay not true.
This week, despite its sluggishness, has been pretty nice. 
As many of you know, I have again resumed residency at the Park La Brea Apartments, and life in 33-9J is great thanks to central AC and wonderful cast (get it? film joke).
The amenities at PLB are great. Nice gated area, three courtyards, my own parking space, gym & pool (parking, gym & pool sold separately) and a couple of cafe's, which are great places for me to, you know, focus on my script writing. That's no joke, I made the mistake of mentioning a "great movie idea" in the presence of my roommates (3 of them are aspiring writers) and found myself in front of a screen, writing out a "beat sheet" organizing storyline and plot development. Yesterday we completed a full 45 step outline of the film and plan on moving into writing the first act this week. This is what you get when you surround yourself with creative minds I suppose. Living in a room full of writers is a lot like living in a perpetual kindergarten. Toys and movies and games and Triscuits sit strewn throughout the living room illuminated with the artificial light of at least 4 ever-glowing computer screens. The conversation in the room typically surrounds movies (go figure) and is usually accompanied by a cacophony of sound effects, usually machine gun fire or the Death Star blowing up,
"But dude, I mean c'mon, there is no oxygen in outer-space, how could the Death Star go up in flames?"
"Are you saying Lucas had it wrong?! Ok he might not write the best dialogue but the guy is a genius, don't talk to me about explosions man, I think it fits."

Steph and I throwing the football in the PLB courtyard

From my bedroom window

 Burnside cafe at PLB

Working on my 'writing beard'

BWW's Cinco de Mayo bash

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Living in a gated oasis, separated from the hustle and bustle of the "city life" has thrust me into a living situation experienced my many in LA. Life in a cell. Earlier this week Steph and I took a drive through her neighborhood in Bel Air to see what her rich and famous neighbors were up to on a Saturday morning. We soon realized that unless our heads were on a constant swivel, we weren't going to see much between the cracks in the iron gates and 12-foot hedges. The stress was only further compounded while we spent most of our time driving fast enough to keep Tailgating-Maserati-Slick Haired-Bluetooth-Guy from setting down his exotic coffee drink and laying on the horn. Beautiful Drive.
If you've ever dreamed of coming to LA and taking a Hollywood Stars Tour, save your money. It's like going to the zoo and trying to see every exhibit in 10 minutes but all the animals are asleep in their caves because they're nocturnal. I see those jokers riding around in those re-purposed convertible vans wearing $2 headphones and looking completely miserable.
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Well, while most of the weather around the country seems to improve, LA braces itself to enter "June-gloom". This phenomenon has been explained to me about 5 times so I have received about 5 different stories as to why it happens. Apparently the sky will turn gray and the wind will blow and freeze life and people will hide indoors. I will say that it has been drastically cooling down lately (today is a dismal 55 degrees and partly cloudy). I have unfortunately lost much of my Mid West resilience.
To keep our Spirits high, the roommates have engaged in various weekly rituals, Buffalo Wild Wing Thursdays and Disney Night Mondays have been some of my favorites. We have been watching the classic Disney movies in chronological order (strictly for educational purposes), this Monday is '101 Dalmations'. If you haven't gone back and watched the Disney Classics in a while, do it, your manhood will not be tarnished, at least that's what I've been telling myself.
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Work has been a real kick in the crotch lately.
This past week my job detail included scouring the internet to find a claw-foot bathtub to put in our Executive Producers house
"make sure its either claw foot or free standing, under 65 inches, and under $2000....Oh and it has to be able to be picked up IN LA BY TOMORROW, give me at least 10 different options, I'll be back in 5 minutes to pick up the list".
On Friday I was sent to Staples to pick up a list of supplies for the office, before leaving however I was reminded that if I came back with the wrong Post-It Notes (accordian style) I would come back to find that I no longer had a job (A PA of theirs was fired a few months prior for making that mistake).

Remember: 5-tab, not 3-tab

Now I keep telling myself that if I stick to my guns, do my job, and refrain from violence long enough, I will get noticed and move up in the world. Unfortunately I feel like a promotion at this place would be a death sentence. My career booster strategy happens in 30minute intervals while I attempt to rub shoulders with other people at the Paramount Lot in the cafeteria. It's exhausting. Reality TV has a way of sapping your soul, making you wear skinny jeans, and giving you a taste for coffee that only a chemist would know how to concoct.

Unfortunately there is not a lot of sympathy, this is the industry. It makes sense that in an industry that brings board games to life, people treat their careers like a game of chutes and ladders, meet the right person-climb the ladder, bring back the wrong paperclips - fall down the chute. Some people say that it could take 10 years to become an overnight success, I'll give myself a trophy if I last 10 more days here.
All pity parties aside, it's time to be proactive. My 'projects', and they are legion, have been sitting in garages with flat tires. I have finally received the Nepal footage and have been making outlines and jotting down notes about favorite clips and story structure. The next phase will be scheduling times when we can shoot interviews with the members of the team so we can string this thing together.

In other news, Julie Curtis will be coming to town on Thursday! I'm psyched to hang out with my mom in LA despite her tendency to get sucked into tourist traps and her assumption that every black man on the street is famous.

Steph kickin' it at her place, she says "hi"

A day at the beach, Lunch in Paradise, and Easter Oldies

America!

There you go home-boys and home-girls, the news is out, Osama Bin Laden has been killed. Now I realize that people do not migrate to this blog to hear about my political ramblings so I will get back to what everyone really wants to hear about, stories about what I did these past two weeks. Before I do however,  I WILL express one bummer from this whole development, and that is that nobody at work is going to want to continue talking about the Royal Wedding tomorrow. DANG! I had so much material on those two princess' dress attire at the wedding. Those head pieces? are you serious? Oh well, next time.

Wow it has been a busy two weeks. Things starting out with a bang at Huntington Beach as Steph, Jeff, Trista, and I, made our merry way south to enjoy a fabulous day of fun in the sun. We packed a cooler complete with PB&J Sammies and Smore Pop Tarts, grabbed a football, and searched for a plot on the sand to call our home for the day. This proved to be quite a challenge considering we had to wade through patches of PBR sipping hipsters and oversexed yet low self-esteemed teens (illustrated by the shameless lip-ringed make out sessions and refusal to abandon the comfort of tube socks and Converse tennies on the sand...and is that a long chain connecting to a wallet in those black Jnco's? Pack it up! we're heading down the beach.

(CUE: Insane Clown Posse song and a quick run to Hot Topic for a hilarious tee shirt)

Well we wanted to make the most out of our day, so my roommate Jeff and I decided to rent surf boards and you know, shred for a while before tossin' the ol' pig skin around. What I have realized however, is that I have a wonderful way of oversimplifying the events of a day. The first step was squeezing into the rented wet suit (size medium 'sorry brah, the only size we got left') which smelled like it was recently peeled off a heavyweight in a wrestling match. With my shame fleeting, I zipped into my wet suit in a public beach bathroom (imagine an outdoor prison toilet with sand) and finally emerged, a genuine surfer. Now, since I identified myself as a NOVICE surfer, I was directed to the "I Suck" surfboard rack stocked with 9 foot "safeboards" which were essentially canoes covered in thick, brightly colored, foam. A warning to swimmers that they were in for a real show. The sheer size of the boards were designed so that even the most hefty and nonathletic beach goers could 'catch a wave'. The party ended shortly after entering the water, 45 minutes of kicking and paddling proved to get me nowhere except closer to the beach after being thrashed by every wave that rolled in sending me on a collision course with every fat kid wearing a tee shirt while swimming to salvage their pride.

We called it quits after an hour, my arms were sore for the next three days.

The rest of the day went much smoother, opting to stay on land and show off the football throwing and catching ability of my girlfriend, who I must say went undiscovered in college much to the chagrin of the powder puff football coaching staff, myself included.
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SUNDAY, that is to say the Sunday before Easter, (wow I have not updated this blog in a while) was spent driving North up the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway to all my Midwesterners) to the amazing restaurant-on-the-sand "Paradise Cove". Now I must say that the pretentious name proved fitting. It was a family get together celebrating time with my Wonderful Great Aunt Helen and some of her children (I can't think of the relation, 2nd cousins? 1st cousins once or twice removed?) Helen was out visiting from her home on Torch Lake in Michigan and spent the better part of the afternoon fishing ice out of her Bloody Mary with her fingers and cussing me out for not moving in with my girlfriend. A truly incredible lady. I have realized how lucky I am to have such great family out here, they have made the transition much easier.
Platters of calamari later, feet in the sand at our table, we had an awesome lunch. We were also graced with a sighting of Howie Mandel (Deal or No Deal), who was looking particularly haggard in his denim Affliction jacket, the ladies at his table seemed to be doing all the talking.
After lunch, I struck up a great conversation with two of the women at our table, Michelle and Meredith. Michelle has been involved in a writing program at Warner Brothers Studios for the past few months and is hoping to land a spot as a television writer for a show. Meredith has been a producer for television for a number of years and was regaling me with stories about filming in Hawaii and other exotic places. It was inspiring to hear from people who have been through the ups and downs of the television industry and have come out on top. They gave me some great advice about pursuing a future in the industry and staying focused on what I really want to do, if I could only remember what that was...
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Well the hunt to find Stephanie a new TV finally came to an end a couple of weeks ago. After days of wandering through websites, Target, and Best Buy, and with the guidance and collaboration of many of our "technically savvy friends", Steph decided on an awesome Dynex 32" LED flat screen TV. Oh and did I mention a totally sick Samsung Blue Ray DVD player with wireless internet connect-ability and online apps. Booyah. (Thanks to all the techies, nerds, and geeks, who made this choice possible, Jeff Giblin, Eric Rhode, Ryan Schott, Josh Ford, and Alex at Best Buy). Now I, err Steph, can stream episodes of Dexter directly from Netflix onto the television.
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The Absolute HIGHLIGHT of these past couple weeks was getting the chance to spend Easter in Arizona with Dusty Wahl and Casey Miller last week. Of course the cast would not be complete without mentioning Dusty's sister Callie, Callie's "squeeze" Andy, Char, and Dad-Dale.

Stephanie and I took a beautiful drive from LA through the Palm Springs desert area and eventually ended up in beautiful SURPRISE Arizona. Now if Disneyland is a child's dreamland, then the Sun City Grand retirement community must be the aged equivalent. Hundreds of retirees soaking up the Golden Years ambling this way and that through pottery and Zumba classes at the rec center, and golf carting through the streets just as slow as they damn-well pleased.
We spent much of the 4 days laying out poolside (no kids allowed, huge plus). The desert sun punished our inexperienced skin while the elders basked like seals and took no notice as the sun relayed off their bronzed, brazen leathery hides. Truly, hides. In my delirium I commented that one guy in particular would make for a very nice handbag. Gross but true.

We spent an evening at a casino, where I won $25 on roulette and then promptly lost it at the black jack table. The real joy of that evening was spent before we hit the tables at Yogurtland, totes the best hun-cal-fro-yo.

The real excitement came on Easter morning after a powerhouse sermon by our own Dale Saxon. We tip toed our way out of the chapel so as not to stumble into too many conversations about "Well...Now...My Granddaughter must be about your age" or "Oh well isn't it wonderful to see such young people at church, young people are always texting, too busy asking each other what color shoes they are going to wear" (actual conversation I overheard).
We raced home for some delicious food but FIRST, were treated to the BEST Easter Hunt of my life. Gold Dollar Coins were hidden all throughout the house and so began an every-man-for-himself free-for-all. All the classic symptoms of a traditional Easter Egg Hunt were present; excitement, focus, determination, greed, cheating, selfishness, and possibly some pouting from those who couldn't seem to find any coins (my situation until I hit a gold mine in the laundry room).

All in all it was an awesome trip. Thank You Char and Dale for opening your home up to us, you guys are the best! Can't wait to take you up on your polite invitation to visit anytime, that hammock is screaming my name.

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Daniel Curtis: PA

Well work has been keeping me busy lately, I guess that's not all bad but last week I had the privilege of driving a massive moving truck all over LA in an attempt to optimize our office by snatching up free furniture from various production companies. As if driving in LA doesn't by itself cause stress, now I was driving down Sunset Blvd in a vehicle larger than my apartment. I was dreading the task but soon realized that I was king of the road, like a large boulder in a stream, the current of cars seemed to continue to flow around me, I was free to drive as slow as I wanted. The other nice thing was that I was able to SEE a lot more of the city from my new propped vantage point.

There was something calming about cruising ABOVE the rest of the LA traffic. I even found myself getting cocky, I turned up the radio, rolled down the windows and would even give a little head nod to passing truckers, as if I was a seasoned vet. Unfortunately truckers (at least other moving truck truckers) don't share the same sort of bond that motorcyclists do, where they give a little wave when they pass each other. One guy just rolled up his window. Whatevs.
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Other big news..... My roommates and I have officially and finally moved! (soon to be 'FB official'). So for all of you who need to know where to send care packages, *wink wink, but seriously.

Send them to 360 S Burnside Ave, Apt 9J, Los Angeles, CA 90036

This marks my return to Park La Brea, but more importantly, to the same building I lived in when I was here in 2009! It's good to be back.

Other notable moments of late...

I purchased some "Slim fit" jeans from target, I will be returning them soon.

I made a pot of coffee the other day with no pot. Disaster.