Friday, October 19, 2012

It starts with me urinating on a cat, it ends with Top Gun

Feel free to discontinue reading. 

It was just one of those instances where a cat jumps into a toilet whilst you are relieving yourself. 

Let me explain...

The Victim
So. I had just arrived home after a fantastic fly-fishing trip in Alberta (more on that later). I headed to Steph's place to discover that she had "rescued" a kitten. 
I'll admit I was a tad suspicious at her humanitarian effort considering all it would take for Steph to bring a cat home was if she saw one unattended or "super-sad looking..". 
Both prerequisites were met. 
- theft has not been ruled-out.

Apparently Steph was working late at the hospital when she noticed that the automatic sliding doors leading outside kept, automatically-sliding I guess, open and closed. 
She raced to the door to see what was the matter. 

And lo, a kitten, flea-ridden and "so sad and cute and [not knowing] where he was" was dancing back and forth in front of the doors at the Ronald Reagan Medical Center in Westwood. 
Steph was determined that the cat was in danger and  "could have been killed!" (mhmm) 

So now we have a cat. 

I say "we" because after combing the thing for fleas, flea-bathing, and dealing with the shit-box, I feel like a father... 
or step-father...
or maybe "mom's boyfriend that comes over to watch t.v. sometimes and drink"- I just need a jean-vest and a Harley.  

Anyhoo like I said, the cat had fleas and was thus contained in Steph's small bathroom. So when I entered and needed to well... 
I just figured I could do so in peace.

Scene of the crime
I walked into the bathroom to find  the cat playing with his new mouse-toy. Smiling at his innocence, I turned to proceed with my business. 

*Now I am not traditionally a cat person, I abide by dog rules. Many is the time I've entered and exited a bathroom with a dog sleeping on the floor the whole time. 
Cats are different. They are wild and unpredictable, rogues. 
I knew something was wrong when I saw the cat dive to my left, hiding behind my leg. I looked down and saw his eyes, wide with shock as he hunched into pounce mode. 
Before I could utter "Dooooonnn'tt even think abou..." 
He was in the air, over the rim and *SPLASH!* into the toilet. 
Curiosity had indeed prevailed, and there was the cat, floundering in the toilet. 
It took all the compassion in my Christian-core to fish the little bastard out and toss him bean-bag style into the sink where he lay sopping and devastated.

But I believe mistakes can be life's best classroom. 
It was a learning experience for both of  us and I think we are better people/cats for having survived it.  

A bit traumatized after his post-toilet PalmOlive soap bath. 
Apparently we are looking for a new home for the cat.
But before one can be found, he needs to be "nursed back to health", given cat-toys and a scratch-post and more varieties of food than cupboard space allows. 

Oh and a name! how about BRUIN 
Ya 'know because he was found at UCLA? 

So if you want a cat and own a storage unit, come and get him. (Please hurry, the bond between woman and cat grows stronger each day)
A Mother and her Cub
So aside from THAT....

Things have been interesting. 

For instance. 
We were graced by another visit from my mom, who came out to LA to hang for a few days before we hopped in the car and headed south to San Diego to meet up with my dad, who was attending the always-crackin' Oral Surgery Convention. 

---Some pictures to illustrate our fun---
Julie dives into a 10 lb. Pumpkin pancake at The Griddle cafe in Hollywood.  
Pit stop in Laguna Beach to check out the Sea Lions on our way to San Diego
A lovely stroll on Coronado Island
Things got Batty! at the San Diego Safari Park 

Steph in front of the gorgeous Hotel Del Coronado 
San Diego is a big-time military town. As we walked up and down the beach, we were entertained by watching Navy SEALS jump out of helicopters into the ocean on some military exercises.

We checked out the USS Midway, a massive aircraft carrier used in Vietnam and Desert Storm. It now
sits in a bay in San Diego as a museum and occasional American Idol audition spot. 

The tour itself was pretty awesome, led in large part by Veterans volunteering their time.

The other part of the tour was a "wireless experience" which meant busting out the hand sanitizer in anticipation for the $2 foam DELTA headsets that feel like they have been drizzled in pop-corn butter. Of course the experience is amplified when an overweight and out-of-breath tourist slaps them in your hand after HIS tour.
Mmmm headsets' still warm...  


USS MIDWAY
Mom and Steph get ready to take to the skies

Maverick and Goose
(well maybe Ice Man, we all know what happens to Goose) 
Up on top of the Aircraft Carrier, it was a bit sunny. 
Indeed for many, San Diego brings to mind the ocean, warm weather, sunny skies, and Tom Cruise riding a motorcycle with a "no rules" attitude after a homoerotic bout of beach volleyball in Top Gun (before you complain, rewatch the movie).

So we were Full-Throttle when we happened upon the Kansas City BBQ Restaurant - Home of the famous "bar scene" from the film.
(A claim-to-fame the restaurant made quite certain we would understand)


It was great to see my parents and feel like a kid, they treated Steph and I quite well and I think they enjoyed themselves just as much as we did.

*My dad was so inspired, he's giving his memoir another crack*

Read it
Well that's it for today, but check back soon because I'm gonna let you know about how I got stuck in Montana by myself, the Canadian fishing trip, and Michael Bolton. 


Here's a Nate Johnson sneak-peek! 
What could Nate be drinking for breakfast at 4am on the fishing trip?
         A. Mountain Dew
B. A Slushy
                                C. Some leftover Molson Beer

And here's a little food-for-thought for everyone still on-the-fence about the upcoming election.
Apparently we're in for a LOOONG four years according to the noisy homeless guy on Hollywood Blvd.


Yep.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

So I was walking down the Red Carpet with Tim Tebow when...

Howdy Stranger,

'Spect you been wonderin just where I been hidin' out these last couple months or so.

No?

Well let me TELL you, things have been active.
Not in a professional sense a'course, just more of a social sense.

On one of my many attempts to write this blog entry, a wasp carrying a grasshopper crash-landed on the table next to me and proceeded to kill and dismember it - So I've been battling some distractions. 
Nature's Beauty
Let me ask you this, have you ever been to a party and thought to yourself "What am I doing here?"

---------------Dream Sequence---------------

INT.DOWNTOWNNIGHT-CLUB.EVENING
DANNY CURTIS(24) bellies up to the bar at the 20th ANNUAL ESPY'S Pre-Party in Downtown Los Angeles. He wears a silver button-down shirt and charcoal pants he purchased weeks earlier at Banana Republic - part of the MADMEN collection. Squeezing through a sea of people he reaches out and gains purchase on the edge of the wooden bar. Pulling himself into position, he gives the bartender a two-fingered salute accompanied by a head-nod and raised eye-brow (the sign of a man desperately trying to fit-in and apparently wanting to order a drink). The bartender offers a deflated frown and shuffles down the bar to assist some of the more affluent patrons before returning.

BARTENDER: What can I get you?

DANNY: (Clearing Throat) I'll have a...

At this time, the doors immediately to the right of Danny swing open. SIX MEN blast through the door, washing DANNY down the bar and into several people causing a massive pile-up of humans. New England Patriot's Tight End and 2012 Coverboy for ESPN'S The BODY magazine: ROB GRONKOWSKI climbs down-off his brothers back and observes the carnage he has created upon his entrance. Four other Gronkowski brothers emerge along with their father.

GRONK: Woahhh Nelly!!

GRONK BRO#1: Oohhhh  SNAP! What up L. A.!!

GRONK BRO#3: Yo Gimme a Drank!

FATHER GRONK: That's my boy! That's my boy!

The SIX Gronkowski Men - ranging in height from 6'4'' to 6'7'', trample their way to the bar and engage the bartender in charades. GRONK BRO#4 stabs a finger at the bartender - then at each of his family members- capping it off with an impatient grunt. This gesture sends the Bartender into a frenzy of upending various liqours into glassware and placing them in front of the group. Meanwhile DANNY peels himself off the floor and finds himself standing in the middle of the group, just as Rob finishes a toast.

GRONK: ".....that we would show our talents to the WORLD!!"

ALL GRONKS: BLAHH YAH!! (and other guttural sounds)

Meet The Gronks
Glasses clink, backs are slapped, DANNY re-assumes his position at the bar. The Night Continues.

-I should now explain myself. I received a phone call from my good friend Nate Voronyak. Those of you who went to Bethel or know anything about D3 football have either seen him destroy quarterbacks on the football field, as was his mission, or swooned over the chiseled Adonis #NoHomo.
Anyways, Nate tells me that he's 'seeing a gal' (sorry ladies) who works at ESPN and is looking for some help with the celebrity golf tournament when the ESPY'S roll into town. Naturally I oblige- I am a red-blooded American male after all.

The Party was 'crackin', Wall-to-wall athletes and all the finest food and drinks you could want: Free

I was in heaven, and then we ran into someone particularly special:

 "MIIIIKE MADAAAAAAAANOOOO!!!"
  • #1 overall draft pick for the Minnesota North Stars in '88
  • Holds the NHL All-Time Record for most points and goals scored by U.S. born hockey player
  • Supporting role in The Mighty Ducks - quack...   
 
We chatted for 20 minutes about his possible return to the NHL. Nate and I demanded that the prodigal-son return to Minnesota, a gesture he appreciated by saying "Oh man! we had some great times up there...Fletchers, Lake Minnetonka, those were the days." (Days later I read on ESPN that he and his agent were in talks with the WILD about a possible return, so YOU'RE WELCOME MINNESOTA).
--------------End Sequence------------
 


Now let's see.
OK so last post I ended with a rather vivid glimpse into my cousins birthday party - My humble apologies for the lingering image.

This time around I think I'm just gonna blast you guys with some pictures and just sort of brief you on whats been haps lately.

I warn you, this may take awhile....

Let's start chronologically with the first major event since my last post which was that Steph and I returned home to the Midwest...TWICE!

Our first trip back was for Mothers Day - we snuck off to Kansas to surprise Steph's mom and to see the rest of the fam.

Things kicked off at LAX airport. This airport, overcrowded and smelly as it is, does nothing but make you want to leave- anywhere. Two hours in that place and I would jump on a flight to Omaha...or Kansas even (jk you guys, jk).

We arrived early and pounded some pre-flight burgers at Ruby's- just an all around bad idea.

Steph scarfing some diner food before we sit in a metal box for 4 hours. 

An Airline is only as good as the free cookies it distributes,
and after eating some of FRONTIERS free warm chocolate chip cookies,
I was a little disappointed with DELTA, who provided us with dog-biscuits
.... personalized dog-biscuits. 
Our layover in Tennessee didn't disappoint, with a
 noon performance by Elvis in an otherwise empty airport bar. 
Back home in Kansas, Steph pulled out the 'ol violin and  treated us to a performance of "Fuzzy Furballs" - A song she wrote in elementary school -I'll burn you a CD, it's good


What's a get-together with the Schott's without a little wine tasting? We headed downtown to sip some seasonals - This place had a pretty incredible Beer selection as well, Mmmmmm
After Kansas, we headed back to LA to await the arrival of Eric's Atherton and Rhode (regular cast members on the Life Among Limes Blog)

It went like this...

Atherton...
...Plus Rhode...
....and a dash of Duluth's own Trampled By Turtles.

We spent the rest of their trip hanging out at the D-3 Track Nationals as well as getting cited in Huntington for having alcohol on the beach.
- This was not our fault. The guy at TARGET told us as long as we didn't have glass bottles we would be fine. That asshole cost us each $25 and our pride as we had to up-end every bottle into the trash can in front of hundreds of beach goers as the beach cop watched us from his four-wheeler. 

Soon after the Erics took off, it was time to return to the Midwest to hang out with the family as well as attend yet another wedding (kids falling like domino's these days). 

We took the 'ol red eye to Milwaukee and kicked the trip off in style at the local Merton watering hole 'On the Rocks'. 
Soon after our arrival, we celebrated STEPH'S 24 BIRTHDAY! So crazy to think that it had already been a year since we were sitting at an Italian restaurant in Hollywood talking about what the next year would look like. Time has flown by. 

We kicked off the party in Madison - a good place for any party - and walked over to the local watering hole where the bartenders took care of Steph all night, even concocting her very own "BMTIC" - strong.
Steph cuddles up with Cousin Kelly's pooch "Zoe" in Madison

The walk home
We threw a follow-up Bday bash at Psycho Suzies when we returned to MN. 
Steph and I stayed with the Barr family and this curious little guy "Banjo" 
Hanging with niece Sam 
Precious
My main man Dusty got married to his gal Casey. We returned to the world's greatest bar Frigaards (for more on Frigaards, please refer to an earlier post where we met Skeeter.)

Unfortunately Skeeter was absent, but we did get to meet 'Drunk Bob' - another regular patron who posted up at the end of the bar. Best advice is to leave Bob alone if you want to avoid getting choke slammed against the wall - so we were told.
Bye Dusty 
Steph and Molly; two classy Midwest gals getting things rolling on the Party Bus after the wedding. 
They Kissed....

We Danced....


After a week or so in Minnesota, we headed back to Wisconsin to celebrate my cousin Kory's High School Graduation and relax once more with the family before heading back to LA.

Reclining at the Lake at my parents house. 
Celebrating the Grad Party at Grandma Reynold's scary-ass cottage in Madison
----------Back in LA----------

Things started off with a bang as soon as we returned to Los Angeles when Nate and Carol arrived in preparation for the ESPY'S.

My job was to assist with the Celebrity Golf Tournament taking place a couple days before the Awards. The toughest part of that experience was coaxing Coach Lou Holtz onto the bus after his 7:00am corn-cob-pipe smoking session. 

Not on the list?? Don't even ****** think about getting on this bus. 
The fun and games didn't end all week. I got the opportunity to hang out on the set of SportsNation and hang out with some football greats. 


Greg Jennings was just about the nicest guy I've ever met... and yet he is a Packer, forgiveness is a beautiful thing. 
Nate and I auditioning for our future careers as broadcasters on SportsNation.
Power Couple: Carol and Nate
Of course the fun didn't stop there, the next evening was the Pre Awards Party (whereupon I met the Gronk family circus), but the REAL excitement was the ESPY'S themselves where Stephanie and I were lucky enough to get full VIP treatment including a walk down the Red Carpet with all the athletes. 
Nate and Carol looking super fly before the Red Carpet walk. 
"Oooo....
...Lala"

It's a pretty sweet feeling to walk through a hectic crowd of people and pull out the "Red Carpet VIP Pass" to hand to the security guard. The guards step aside and welcome you into a private walk way - far from the common folk and you are guided to a tent where you are treated with the utmost cordiality. Steph and I game-planned that we were just gonna play-it-cool and work the carpet as if it was just another Wednesday night. We walked out onto the carpet and into a sea of paparazzi and screaming fans hoping for just a glimpse of Aaron Rodgers or Drew Brees, or a small wave from Tim Tebow or Jeremy Lin. It was pretty surreal. 
Steph was looking crazy-foxy on the Red Carpet in this little number by blah-blah-blah 
If anyone asked, I said I was on the Olympic Curling Team. 

Carol was harassed by the LA Kings mascot- he was swiftly banished to the tent. 
Drew Brees and Tim Tebow go in for a "bro-grab"
Tim Tebow was the biggest deal on the Red Carpet.
Rob Gronkowski (left) chatting it up with some ESPN Personalities like Chris Berman (right)
The Show itself was pretty cool, Nas performed so I felt like I was back in junior high.
View from our seats
Add caption

Standard post-show glitter rain
Of course there HAD to be a post EPSY party to attend. 
On our way to the partay! 

The party was bumpin' thanks to DJ Biz Markie (Yes Biz Markie the bull-dog looking DJ who played an alien in Men In Black)
"Ohh girl, you got what I neeeeeed, but you say I'm just a friend...."  
Steph attempts to contain herself in front of the dessert table.  
And of course, "If you give a Steph a cookie, she's going to want a drink to go with it..." 

"...and if you give her a couple glasses of wine, some vodka and a sip of beer..."

Steph had a great time. 
The whole ESPY experience was awesome, and not just because of all the glitz and glam. I think my favorite part of the whole experience was meeting the crew at ESPN. These people were some of the coolest and most genuine production people I have ever met, unlike the Reality TV crews I've worked with who punch in day to day for the paycheck and look for the nearest back to stick a knife in or for a one-way ticket out of there.
-------------And Finally------------

The most recent highlight of the past couple months was a camping trip to Northern California with Steph's wonderful parents, Kim and Randy Schott. 
These two lived in San Francisco once upon a time and know absolutely everything about the area.
We traveled up to Carmel and spent a couple days exploring the town, eating at various cafe's and visiting wineries. 

Dinner in Carmel
Wine Tasting
At the Winery 
Our Carmel Bed & Breakfast
The houses in Carmel are all incredibly unique and artistic. Clint Eastwood was the Mayor here in the 80's. 
The Beach at Carmel - walk down to the right and head over to Pebble Beach,  one of the top golf courses in the world. 
Walking on the sand beneath Pebble Beach Golf Course
No better way to cap off a busy day than by throwing in a VHS of The Sixth Sense on a TV smaller than my computer . Oh the joys of rewinding.
We explored an old Mission at Carmel dating back to before America was a country.




We ate at the Top Rated Restaurant in Carmel (which also happens to be one of the cheapest) The Demtra Cafe  - This Restaurant had the most energetic and fun atmosphere, we had to book a table a day in advance but reaped the benefits the next night. The owners sang and danced,  grabbing every pretty girl out of their seats to dance with them, Steph was doomed from the moment she stepped in there. 
The best Lamb I've ever had. 
After a couple days in Carmel, we went up to Monterey and checked out "Cannery Row" as well as the huge Aquarium.


Jellyfish at the Aquarium
The last part of our trip was spent camping in beautiful Big Sur, a land of huge coastal cliffs, sea lions, dense forests, and some pretty incredible views.





Super collage! 
-------------Final Thoughts-----------
In other news.

Emily "Emu" Kalscheur from good old Waunakee Wisconsin made the move out to Los Angeles. We have been having an awesome time hanging out with Emu. We just recently went to go see The Terminator at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. 

Steph and Emu
Sort of ran out of steam on this update - I guess that's what happens when you wait two months before you post. Whatevs. Hopefully next one will come a little sooner - I'm not gonna promise anything, but I'm optimistic. Especially because my roommates and I just moved to the dreaded "Valley" - that scorched crispy desert on the other side of the hill. I already have plenty to say about that. It sorta sucks, but hey it's cheap. 

Okay Yikes! DONE!