Danny sucks at writing his blog (part deux)

Hi everybody. As promised, here is Part 2 of my attempt to catch everyone up with news from the West. I could bore you with most of what I've been up to with more hiking stories but I realized that people simply do not care about hiking, "You live near mountains, we get it". So I will simply skip over all that "Bullsh" and just hit you with the highlights.

THE BIGGEST NEWS OF LATE
Another Curtis!

Beautiful Samantha Jean was born on Thursday (Congrats Ben & Kels!) and as far as I can tell from the stream of picture messages, appears to be "THE cutest little thing" ever.

This news of course shifts the titles around in the Curtis Family, launching us all into the new and unusual territory of assumed-maturity.

I have been stripped of my title as "Brother Danny" and now bear the unusual load of "Uncle".

I must say, this changes the ball game considerably.

Even as I write, I do so as an Uncle, which in my opinion is a little weird. No one wants to know what someone's uncle is talking about online.

But I'm afraid there is no running from it. I fear that I have been becoming an uncle for some time now. Just the other day I donned a newly groomed mustache and thought for a second "hmm, I could pull this off".

I've realized that the recent liberation of my facial hair is only one in a slew of  rights, nay, responsibilities I now possess as an uncle.

The List Continues

As an uncle, I now feel it enabled to....
 _____________________________________________
1. Drink lite beer unabashed at any gathering deemed a "function" "event" or "big moment" no matter what the occasion or reverence.

"There's an open bar at the Christening right?"

2. Wear Jean Shorts and the occasional fanny pack to tee ball games.

"C'mon UMP! Let the kids play for Chrissake!" 

3. Supply my nieces and nephews with highly innapropriate movie choices when they spend the night at my house.
"Terminator 2 anyone?"

4. Directly neglect any house rules my brother or his wife have established in the way of diet or danger to assure my spot as "favorite uncle".
"Dirt-bikes and Doughnuts!"

5. Smoke cigars whenever outside to "keep the mosquitoes away".
"It's not bad for you if you don't inhale" 

6. Buy a fishing boat, and attempt to drag a tube behind it. 
"Just watchout, it's an outboard, wouldn't want you kids to get chopped up. Your parents would kill me"

7. Tell the scariest damn ghost stories ever.
"And he's still out there to this day, hackin' kids up with a hatchet..." 
_____________________________________________

 SO excited to see you next week Sammy!!


========================================

Okay, Wow, where to pick up the rope.

Umm like I said, went hiking again BUT we also went cliff jumping at the end which makes it more exciting, so I will allow some pictures.

45 ft. drop

 And moving on, 

As many of you may have heard, the 405 Freeway (America's busiest road) closed for a couple days recently. This event, dubbed CARMAGEDDON, was purported to be the most catastrophic event ever faced by mankind, in classic LA fashion. 
The result? 
Some of the lightest traffic reported in LA in the past few years. 

This news story was blown so out of proportion that a group of people actually set up a table and ate dinner on the empty 405.

 And why was I not surprised at this overreaction? In January, LA weathermen warned residents a week in advance for a "Severe Winter Storm Warning" that amounted in 2 inches of rain.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lizard Story:
Steph's landlady Melanie wanted to plant some tomatoes but she was wary squirrels were going to eat them.
I stepped up and built a sweet cage thing around the plants using chicken wire and stakes.
My contraption worked so well that it not only prevented animals from getting at the plants, but captured and tortured any that were foolish enough to try, a lizard being its first victim.
The lizard got his body stuck in a hole in the wire and sat flailing for hours.
I grabbed his back legs and crammed him through hole.
Then the idiot ran to the other side of the fence and got his head stuck.

Having no way to reach in and free him, Melanie provided me with some grill-tongs.
I pulled and pulled but his head was stuck.

I was getting pretty pissed that I freed this lizard only to see him get stuck again so I reached in again and really cranked on him.
His tail snapped off and started squirming around.
I thought I killed him but I finally got him out and tossed him on the rocks.
He scampered away with a little stub, which is more than he deserved.

You're Welcome

============================================
Wedding season...

So I kicked off a summer full of weddings a couple weeks ago when I returned to Minnesota to play music for the Wedding ceremony of David and Beth Benjamin.

A quick meal before the knot was tied. I love this picture.

Great Wedding

Eric's looking "fly"

When I got back to my room at Ben and Kelsey's,  I had quite the welcome party.

Another great trip to Minnesota, one wedding down. Steph and I head to Wisconsin this Thursday for cousin Kasey's wedding.

==========================================

Notable Mentions:

1.The Rommies' parents came to town, we headed down to Long Beach and had a killer bon-fire. This was enhanced by the church-group that shared our fire, providing entertainment as they danced around the fire singing worship songs led by two 60 year old guys named "Terry and Justice" - which I kind of think would be a sweet band name.

"Terry! play 'light the fire' again!"

 2. My work situation has improved I suppose. I haven't had to call any Zoos lately as I have been stuck in a the room with the accountants, filing, copying, sending, paper-jam. We are being audited so I have the wonderful task of tracking down seemingly every expense report and receipt we've had. Repetitive - YES , Boring - Incredibly, But did you get to see Halle Berry on your way to the bathroom - yeah, three times in 2 days!

3. Steph's hometown Kansan BFF Becky came to visit. It was great for Steph to see a familiar face and have someone to shop/gab/and girl-out with. I make for a pretty lousy gal-pal. The one downfall was that all that Southern chatter caused Steph to backslide into her high-speed unpolished Southern-talk, I haven't understood one word she has said since. 

This freaked me out - Get tested people

All right! All caught up. Off to Wisconny this week! Seeing my niece, playing music at a wedding. Good things on the way.

Danny sucks at writing his blog (part 1)

Hola Amigos,

So sorry, It's been a while since I last rapped at ya, but thank God it's because I have been working again!

In my last post, I was tear-dropping about how I had lost my job and how I was having a tough time finding one.

I asked you guys to pray that God would open something up and !!BOOOM!!

I'm back to that hell hole of a job at Paramount Studios, temporarily un-fired, racing across town to the storage units to pick up:

2 X blow-up dolls 
1 X box of candles
2 X party hats
NOTE: (check the 'props' box)

It's true, it seems that I misinterpreted that two weeks without contact from a company doesn't exactly mean that they don't still expect you to come in to work tomorrow. So sure enough I've been in the office, hunched over the Kyocera Printer addressing another paper jam.

Of course there are high points in my day, I've been working alongside Family Game Night, and every so often I get to check out their game ideas.

Family Game Night working on a new contraption: Fling the velcro ball...

...at this idiot

 Of course the big news around the office is that we have some new shows on the horizon. I'm absolutely tickled to report that Zoo Productions is gearing up to begin filming their new gift to television, "World's Dirtiest Game Show"

Brilliant.

And as this is a trivia based game show, I was selected to assist the producers in collecting the answers to some of their questions they had for the show....

INT. OFFICE BUILDING. DAY

A Young Man sits at a desk in a small white office. He is staring at the black phone on his desk, waiting. After a great while he exhales, picks up the phone, and begins dialing. 

VOICE: Thank you for calling San Diego Zoo's animal expert services, this is Nancy speaking

ME: Yeah Hi Nancy. My name is Danny Curtis, I'm calling from a Production Company in Los Angeles, we're gathering trivia questions and answers for a new game show that we're currently working on. Just wondering if I could talk to an expert about a couple of questions I have about animals?

NANCY: Okay great, and what is it you're looking to find out?

ME: (Pause) Well Nancy, I was just curious if you had any information about which types of mammals, other than humans umm (cough cough) uh

NANCY: I'm sorry sir? I didn't catch that.

ME: Oh sorry Nancy, yeah I was curious if you knew umm....what animals, if any, masturbate on a regular basis?......just off the top of your head......take all the time you need......Nancy?

NANCY: did you say masturbate? .....on a regular basis?

ME: I did, yes Nancy. You see we're gathering trivia questions...for this new show, and we were wondering...

NANCY: Hold please

<PAUSE>

NANCY (cont.): ...Kangaroos apparently

ME: Kangaroos! that's great! thanks Nancy, have a wonderful rest of the day.

God certainly has a sense of humor. But I must say, I'm thankful.
I needed work, and work is what came to me.
Despite how downright humiliating and haunting the work might be.

And If I'm not the one directly embarrassing myself, there are plenty of people around the Lot who are doing it for me.

Like these idiots, waiting in line for "Lets Make a Deal" in full-costume. It takes about 3 hours to get through all the security check points just to get into the studio, Oh, and one bathroom, so you're gonna have to hold it, especially if you are waiting behind the guy dressed like a dinosaur.

Let's Make a Deal-The American Dream

Reality TV has been living off the fat-o-the-land thanks to a simple idea. 
People around the world, we'll call them  "educated free-thinking Americans" tune into these shows as a way to feel better about themselves and lessen the blow of their current crappy situations by seeing how far worse and humiliating other peoples' lives are on TV.

Jerry Springer anyone?

What I never really put together is that many of these people are blinded to what they're getting themselves into.

Producer: You wanna make an easy $2,500 AND get a free makeover?

PoorSap#8,599: Really!?

Producer: SURE! All you have to do is sit down and talk about your recent break-up, but we'll help you with the lines  (and since you're especially sad and pathetic, we're gonna have you eat out of a dog dish on camera, like a real dog).

PoorSap#8,599: Hmm I don't know about this?

Producer: C'mon! I'll throw in a free Steak Dinner at Ruth's Chris!

PoorSap#8,599: Deal!

I used to think stuff like this was cute and fun and now it just makes makes me sad.
I feel like I'm working behind the curtain in OZ, pulling levers and creating smoke. 

A few crayons hoping to win big

Now it might be my inner Holden Caulfield coming out (I just reread 'The Catcher in the Rye') but lately I've been seeing the way these eager people wait in line for hours on end in ridiculous costumes just to see Wayne Brady and it just 'depresses the hell out of me'.

And John here just about put me over the edge.

Good Luck John, Hope you win

I found John next to a staircase standing behind a group of girls dressed like the "Dream Girls"who seemed to have very little interest in the show and were discussing their modeling futures.
I approached John and told him I liked his 'get-up', and that my family lived in Wisconsin.
I asked to take a picture (I know, kinda mean, but could YOU pass this guy up?) and he put on a show!
He even provided an alarmingly loud "LET'S GO BADGERS!!!" which only further distanced John and I from the disapproving Divas next to us.
He explained that he was vacationing alone, and that this was definitely the highlight of his trip. The chance to be on TV! What an opportunity!

My first instinct was to apologize to John for how he was being made to wait in line all day in the hot sun, with no water and one bathroom.
I wanted to warn him that the whole thing was a joke, that for the next 3 hours of filming, he was going to be a part of an operation fueled by greed where Wayne's smile was only on when 'Action' was called.
But before I could tell him any of this he said, "This is gonna be a great story to tell my daughter when I get home."

And then it hit me.

I was acting like a real Ass.
I was looking at all of these people, feeling sorry for them, that they were disillusioned. I was feeling entitled that I knew a secret, that I understood the operations behind the machine, that there IS no magic.

John certainly did not need to be pitied, he was thankful, and he was anticipating a great story.

That's the biggest lesson, be thankful and anticipate a great story.
 
...

I'll also throw in this, demand higher quality TV. Too many shows today are conceived by Mindless Apes.

World's Dirtiest Game Show? - God help us. 

Thanks John! 

"One bathroom?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm trying to recap what the heck I've been up to this past month.
Again, people, sorry about leaving you with a cliff hanger that I had no job.
You all probably thought I was face-down in some gutter on Fairfax.

In the interest of time, Here are 5 snap-shots of what happened recently.

1. The Schott's came to town! - Steph's parents swung through town before and after they went camping in beautiful Carmel. It was so great having real parents in town. They made us some amazing food, thanks to the Trader Joe's Cookbook, and provided some much needed wisdom and guidance. They said some really nice things to me like, "we support you and your decision to work in the film industry" - which I preferred to the other option - "Our daughter is a nurse and you are a moron. Get a real job."


2. I got an Iphone - and if that's not already hipster enough for you, I got a white one. I might have to bust out my slim-fit jeans again.
Oh! and holla at me if you want to play "words with friends" -  screen name: Curtles

First Picture taken on the new Iphone!

3. Huntington Beach Fun - Steph and I stole down to Huntington one fine Thursday and enjoyed the beach and a hole-in-the-wall diner thanks to Steph's CA guidebook (although I'm sure my Yelp! App would have wasted no time in pointing it out to us). It was a great day, however I received the harshest sun-burn of my life. Now we Curtis' are a dark-breed, but I was punished for my arrogance. It's sunscreen from now on, plus I don't look forward to getting another invasive "mole-map" any time soon from the doctor.

The Sun: Radiant Life-Giver or Malevolent Cancer-Scorcher? You decide.

Harbor House Cafe: Huntington

Steph "chillaxin" 

4.(th) of July - This year's 4th was full of events,  the roomies and I kicked things off at the Santa Monica Pier and enjoyed some Sand Football and Boogie Boarding in the Ocean. We then took the party back to our place and had a huge BBQ with like 50 people and played some volleyball. For fireworks, we drove to a parking garage on Sunset Blvd and had a great view of the city and the various fireworks shows.

 5. More Hiking - Steph, Roomie-Jeff, and I went on one of my favorite hikes at Temescal Canyon. This hike had it all; waterfalls, wildlife, ocean views, and other hikers with those weird shoes with the individual toes. 

Flora

Fauna

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

So that gets us through about the 2nd week in July?

Stay tuned for part 2 of "Danny sucks at writing his blog"

You guys won't believe what happened during CARMAGEDDON...